Teroka

For the past few months, I have been driving back and forth, between Kuala Lumpur and Lumut, Perak. The distance is approximately 230 kilometers. Its a long drive, takes about 3 hours 15 minutes top, with my slow driving.

Working away from home, puts a toll on me. Rather than being physically exhausted, it would normally hit my emotion nerves. The craziest thing I’ve put myself through is working for 21 hours non-stop, driving 3 hours back home after that, settling down the first hour I got home, sleeping the next 2 hours, waking up and taking an hour getting ready and driving back for another 3 hours to location again, and working for another 14 hours. Yes, I brought it upon myself. Why?

I am the youngest in my family and yes, everyone would assume I’m spoilt. Maybe in some ways.

I am a new fresh face in the entertainment industry and yes, everyone would assume I’d party all night.

Honestly, I’ve learnt to not surround myself with people. I have prepared myself, should I end up growing old alone. Over-dramatic you might say, but of course, like every other thing, I’d say “I have my reasons, and you won’t be able to understand”.

I’ve learnt to love being alone, and doing whats best for myself, and myself only. I’ve been forced to love myself, or else I’d be burnt down out of a broken heart. Stupidly enough, getting myself dumped, years before, had left such scar, no Bio-Oil would be able to take it away.

But then again, I’ve learnt so many positive things, that hopefully, would do more good than harm, to myself, and to those people around me. I’ve learnt to let go (sedikit, tapi mesti dianggap perkembangan) of the past. I’ve learnt to accept, that there might actually be an opportunity of a much brighter future for all of us. Watching the sun rises makes more sense nowadays. Being in a foreign land brought a lot more understanding of how the world works. I feel less self-pity, and slowly, learning to not punish myself for being less perfect.

Work, as usual, would be tiring. And at times, I hate having to wake up to go to work and have no one to comfort me no more. But I’m fortunate enough to be working in a field in which social skills play an important part, and how much I’d be able to learn from those great people around me.

I’ve met some extraordinary people, who lives, are dedicated into loving others and wanting to give them a chance to be just like them; extraordinary.

Individual, who never said they’d wait until they are rich enough, to start giving to the poor; because they realized, it would never be enough, so why wait.
Individuals, who never said they’d wait until they are good enough at something, to start teaching others, because they realized, learning is a process, and there is nothing wrong for a teacher to learn something from a student.

But I’ve met some less interesting people too, who lives, are dedicated into loving themselves, because that is what matters. There is nothing wrong with that, truthfully. People do have their own priorities. Mine happens to be different. And I feel ashamed, when I realized, that in real life, back home, we could never be good friends. Simply because, I despise us, feigning affection for what ever reason.

So coming back home, makes it so much more simpler. Maybe I’m running away from changes. Maybe I just love being in the state I am in right now. But again, maybe, its time I think differently. Maybe its about time for me to open up.

But for now, its so much easier to find my way back home, simply because, its already there..